Tuesday, November 25, 2003
thought of the day: you will soon regret what you didn't say or do. what you have already done, you cannot regret, only compensate.
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enlightenment.
i finally know what i am doing. i'm good for the next couple of weeks. i hope. well, at least for the moment. so that's better than nothing.
i predict this thanksgiving break to be an interesting one. in more ways than one, i will grow as a person. let's see if my predictions are correct when the time comes. i'm anticipating, but contained as well.
working on a poetry portfolio right now. you will see all my recent poetry (revised and redone) within the next few weeks. :)
"thanks for making me a fighter."
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Sunday, November 23, 2003
i've wasted too many tears on you.
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Saturday, November 22, 2003
why did this ever come to this? the sooner the problem is addressed, the better off everyone will be. but to someone who fights fire with fire, that makes no sense, does it? let's just create more sh*t for ourselves, why don't we? and make sure you tell everyone on the planet before you tell me. right? that's how you do things, right? you've always been so. and i'm probably going to get crap for this post, too, because no one really knows my side.
and you tell me that you're how you are because of me. okay, fine. then maybe, i'm like this because of you.
and that's why i sound the way i do.
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don't go blaming me again. i have myself to do that.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2003
so i found out how much of a bando i am today (okay; so i lied. i knew that long ago). anyway, it was just one of those "you know you're a bando when..." things to add to my ever-growing list. so i had marching practice this afternoon, and we always take out yard markers and a ladder (for the conductor) in a metal cart. on the way back from the field, we have to push this thing up bumpy concrete. and each dip or bump in the road created clicks, clacks, thunks, and buzzes. so then i started to march to this "beat". after a minute or so, i started to pick up on some rhythm. the clicks sounded like a cadence, the clacks here and there acted as rim shots, the thunks were the bass drum, and the buzzes were rolls on the snare. i started smiling to myself because it totally reminded me of drumline. i thought to myself, "hey! those are sestuplets!" or "hey, a pu(h)-du(h)-du(h)!" or "those had accents on 2 and 4!", and even, "that sounds like the opening for hip avenue (remember that?!)!". and now, i know what you're thinking: oh, my god, mai; you are insane. i smile at that, too.
i'm proud to be a bando. are you? :)
~ the "most likely to remain a bando for life" winner
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Monday, November 17, 2003
since my best(est) lesbian friend, felsh, yelled at me for the lack of activity on my quotes site, i rejuvenated it.
i give you, the renewed quotes site! (sidenote: some will like it more than others. just check it out. you'll know why.)
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question: do we really "grow up"?
sometimes, we love wading in the calm waters of our pleasant childhood that we don't want to face the responsibility that is knocking inside our heads. do we really have to face this reality? can't we run away like we're playing a little game of tag (you're it!)? can't we just sit in our favorite corner of our room and cry? won't that make everything all better? won't mom(my) come and solve the problem?
since when did we start tackling life's responsibilities, start relying more on ourselves, start bearing the pain of these bleeding wounds? i can't remember; i just know that life's tough. does that mean we are made of tough stuff, too? do we have what it takes to surmount the obstacles?
so much has just happened in the last five hours. i listened, i talked. i wish that for once, there was nothing to worry about. but now i worry about my closest friends. i worry if my midterm tomorrow is going to be doable. i worry if i am disturbing my roommates (they are asleep). i worry if i worry too much. and i wish i didn't have to, you know? but humans are like this, i guess. that's what we get for being the "smartest" mammal of them all. whatever that means.
so please: don't hesitate to talk to me. thanks gurly, for calling me. we really do need more of that. i really think i'd go crazy without someone who understands me (though others would think that we're the ones who make NO sense. but that's them, right? heehee...).
and you: nothing has changed.
and days pass, accumulating my desire to see all of your faces, smile on my face once more...
i miss all of you guys, a bit more everyday.
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Thursday, November 13, 2003
it's not a great feeling to know that someone looks down upon you. directed or implied, it makes you feel terrible. why is it that they assume? so are my actions objected or is it blown out of proportion? i still think it just another way of expression. think about it.
and am i lost amidst words? am i lunging out of the way of them for no reason? fill me in. you need not know what i am talking about. just tell me what you think i am supposed to know.
i was just reading all of your posts, and i came to one similarity among all of them. we are so negative. i mean, i used to be like that, just a little while back. but can you look at me and say, "i enjoy being in depression," and mean it? can you? do we love the solitude that our own shadows create? are we too frightened to be blinded by the light? do we enjoy all this? i know i didn't, and i'd hate for you guys to experience the same thing, too. it was not a happy month or so. and everything starts with outlook. everything you do has to be initiated with such an outlook that will make you want to do something, not have to do something. if you're not happy living, then what is there to look forward to?
for the lonely: you're not. for the fearful: it's not. for the unsure: it's fine. for the happy: you are.
thought of the day:
"nothing is interesting unless you think it's interesting."
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Sunday, November 09, 2003
what an experience i have to tell!
saturday was something i will never forget. a an episode in my life that i've never experienced before, an experience i'd like to share with you (because it was incredible!).
so this weekend was the cal poly (san luis obisbo) game. unfortunately, we lost (it was our first loss this season). but that wasn't anything to deprive the cal aggie marching band-uh of enthusiasm. ooooh, no.
the half-time show went great. the whole "games people play" deal worked out awesome-ly. heehee. for a first half-time show, i don't think i did too bad... but my legs were begging me for mercy later. sorry, guys. marching first. :) like my motto has always been.
but the best part started after the show. the wind started to get a bit more forceful, and the clouds were painting the blue sky grey. at first, i thought that the spit was coming out of my friend's saxophone when i felt something wet on my cheek (hey; typical thing for a bando. i'm so used to it). but i looked up, and i realized that it was not. so we get what we call "aggie baggies" (ponchos for your instrument and yourself). we put them on, and continued to play.
it wasn't so bad until the game actually ended. but for college bands, that's when the real battle begins. we were playing "against" the cal poly band, back and forth. by our third song, the rain started to pour. and pour. then pour some more. ponchos can only do so much. they don't protect the bottoms or the sleeves of our 100% wool uniforms. people with music on ligatures just gave up; the rain was sogging them up so fast that it was no use. by the end of it all, there really wasn't any use for a poncho.
we always march to and from the band room. always. even in rain, even in hail, even in a tornado. can't step over puddles, can we? splat. my shoes and socks were so drenched, that i could tip it upside down and water would pour out. my socks were marinated in muddy water; i wringed out a puddle. my pants were hopeless. wow.
but then i thought about it: high school... hm, i never got to march in the rain before. as a matter of fact, if it rains, then the gig is cancelled. i never knew that playing pep tunes in the rain could be so incredibly rejuvenating. come to think of it, it's bringing rain and music together, two elements i cannot live without. how awesome is that?
so put this on your to-do list in life: play a song under the pouring rain. live, for once in a great while.
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Thursday, November 06, 2003
dude... the comments link needs to stop being retarded. it's not just mine, right?
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my legs are so tired. at least i'm going to have buff legs. i hope. but all that caffeine...
there's a football game versus cal poly this weekend. now if only this were an away game; i would have been a drive away from all you guys in anaheim. this is the first game that i'm going to march in. well, i've marched the pregame show, but this is my first half-time. dude; our show is really well thought out. the theme this week? the "party games people stop and play tonight". yeah, i know. strange. but really awesome. simply put, it's an interactive game. it starts off with chess, then we make a tic-tac-toe board, then some dice (which start to spin, to look like a dice rolling), then a candyland board game, then, the best part of the show: an interactive mousetrap. you know that game, right? where the ball falls from a ledge and lifts the seesaw, which moves another ledge, and the trap falls on the mouse? yep. i'm part of the trap, baby! the last move is into a rock-paper-scissors shape, and all of us move (ex. the scissors "cut"). it is so awesome. i'm looking forward to the game.
don't you hate it when someone preoccupies your mind and you can't think or concentrate on anything else?
remind me to go get a massage. my legs are immobilized.
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Sunday, November 02, 2003
special happy 16th birthday to joseph laqui!! :) happy birthday, sweetie. hope all your wishes come true. have fun at your party. i love you.
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